


The Human Condition

by AnotherLostSoul



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Doomed Relationship, Drabble, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Life is Meaningless without love, M/M, POV Alternating, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherLostSoul/pseuds/AnotherLostSoul
Summary: Light's killed L but he can't escape his guilt...
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 11
Kudos: 49





	The Human Condition

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【L月/授翻】The Human Condition人类境况](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23714293) by [TINOJM17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TINOJM17/pseuds/TINOJM17)



> This ficlet essentially encapulates how I'm currently feeling. Needless to say, it is not good, so don't expect my usual fluff. There is nothing happy about this. 
> 
> *As a side note, my other fics *will* be updated eventually, but right now I am in quarantine and my partner is unwell so I don't know when I will write. Hopefully soon, because writing helps me to destress.

Light was trying to sleep, tossing and turning in his bed and huffing in annoyance. All he could see when he closed his eyes were  _ his _ eyes. Blank,  _ dying _ eyes gazing back at him. 

_ 'It was neccessary. L was my enemy. He's gone. I need to stop thinking about him'  _ Light tried to reason with himself. 

**'But you can't stop thinking about him. You love him. His Death isn't going to change that. You killed the one you love, it's only right you suffer the torments of missing him'**

"Shut  _ UP!" _ Light clutched at his head and grit his teeth. He'd never suffered from such intrusive thoughts before and he wasn't about to let L's death fuck him up. L was his enemy,  _ Kira's  _ enemy, and he was gone. Everything was going to plan and if he couldn't sleep it was because he was overworked and busy with his plans,  _ not _ because of guilt. 

**'Who are you trying to fool? Yourself? You might be good at pulling the wool over everyone else's eyes but you could never fool him. He died knowing who you were. He's** **_always_ ** **known who you were, Light'**

Ryuk snickered as he watched Light toss and turn again. The kid wasn't getting much shut eye considering he'd been laughing over L's grave earlier and crowing about how he'd  _ finally _ get a good night's rest. 

Light snarled in frustration and threw his covers back. Ryuk watched as he walked towards his desk and pulled out Rem's Death Note. 

_ Quillish Wammy _ . 

_ L Lawliet.  _

"Why couldn't you see things from my perspective, L? You could still be alive. Watari too" Light whispered, letting his guard drop for just a moment as he traced those letters with the tip of his finger. L Lawliet. The World's Greatest Detective. Gone. 

But  _ was _ he gone? Because Light could swear he felt those wide, saucer-like eyes on him. He felt  _ watched _ as he looked around his room. The hair on the back of his neck prickled. 

"Say, Ryuk, is there such things as ghosts?" Light asked softly, aware his parents were probably still awake. 

"Ghosts? Depends what kind you mean. Ghosts of the mind or physical booooo type ghosts" Ryuk answered, a grim, shark-like smile on his face. 

"As in  _ physical _ ghosts. When mortals die is there anything beyond?"

Ryuk's smile widened. "Aw. Are you thinking about your lover boy's soul, Light? Shall I tell you where he is?"

Light nodded his head, hope blossoming in his chest. He didn't believe in Heaven or Hell but the Death Note said all humans went to Mu. Maybe that was where L's soul was. Maybe one day they could see one another again? 

"He's  _ nowhere,  _ Kid. He's gone. You killed him. That's it. He's rotting in the ground. End of story"

Light hadn't realised he'd whimpered until Ryuk began to laugh at him. His world spun and he clutched at his desk. Suddenly everything seemed so  _ heavy _ . 

"So… that's it. Nothing" Light finally whispered to himself. It didn't seem right, all of a sudden, that L was dead. He was nothing now and yet his memory, his eyes, were pressing down upon Light. 

Woodenly, Light closed the Death Note, locked it away, and climbed back into bed. 

He didn't sleep. 

*********************

(3 weeks later) 

"Ryuk"

Ryuk looked up from the shiny red apple he was admiring and smirked at the 'new' L. "What?"

"Aren't you sorry Rem is gone?"

Ryuk snickered and shrugged lazily. "She was stupid and let feelings get in the way. She should have been beyond death but she let human emotions get the better of her. She  _ loved _ and that's what killed her. If you ask me, you're going the same way, Kira. You loved L"

Light didn't bother to deny it. He laid back on his bed and squeezed his eyes shut. It had been three weeks. L was rotting now. L was fading to nothing. L was infesting his  _ mind _ . 

"I won't die for love" Light muttered rebeliously as he rolled onto his side and willed himself to go to sleep. He stared at his wrist, the ghost of a memory, a  _ chain _ swimming to his mind. 

Ryuk cackled and bit into his apple. Light would learn that aspirations of Godhood or not, he was not immune from the human condition. He could, and  _ did _ love, and that would be his downfall. 

It began to rain hard. Thunder rumbled through the air and seemed to charge the atmosphere with life and energy. Light despised it. He felt dead. It felt wrong to him. Hollow. He didn't feel alive anymore. Not without L. 

Light tossed and turned in his bed, his mind,  _ L, _ refusing to let him rest. 

_ 'I have too much to accomplish!' _

**'You'll never have a moments peace. You know what you need to do'**

Ryuk chuckled as Light, restless yet somehow  _ animated _ , got up once again and reached for Rem's Death Note. 

_ 'Such a shame. The God of the New World isn't immune after all,'  _ Ryuk thought as he watched Light write his own name down. 

Light straightened his shoulders and took in a deep, shuddering breath. Ryuk leaned forward, fascinated as Light's face scrunched up in pain. 

"Tch. Weak" Ryuk muttered as Light collapsed to the floor. "Enjoy rotting with Lawliet. If you had been a bit stronger who knows how far you would have gone!"

Light forced himself to open his eyes. The pain was intense and excruciating but he knew these last precious seconds were all he had left. "I… can't live with what I've done" Light forced out. "Kira killed L but  _ I _ have killed Kira"

Ryuk watched as Light died before his eyes. He was disappointed, he couldn't deny it. He'd really thought for a second there Light had been different. Ryuk loomed over the fallen human and stared down into glossy amber eyes. Death hadn't dulled them yet but it was only a matter of time. Light Yagami, Kira, was gone. He'd written his name down to join the one he'd loved in the void. 

Very disappointing. 

Ryuk picked up Light's Death Note and Rem's. Since Light had succumbed there was no point in staying. He'd find someone else to play with and, just maybe, this one wouldn't succumb to their own nature. 

Humans were interesting, no doubt, but they were also  _ weak _ . Light had destroyed himself just like countless others had done. 

Ryuk launched himself into the air, a cold sadness settling over him. He felt bored and lonely. Suddenly he could understand why Light had written his name down. He wanted to escape. Ryuk wanted that too. 

_ 'But I'm not human _ '

And so, Ryuk decided he'd find someone else to keep him busy before the inevitable happened and they succumbed as well. 

Better to keep busy than to suffer a moment of soul-shattering clarity: His life was just as meaningless as Light's had been… 

  
  
  
  



End file.
